Collected Bits
by Shieldage
Summary: Seven 100-200 word stories ranging from Buffy in a Space Bar to Methos being rewarded for saving the world.


BtVS/Angel by Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Star Wars by Lucas and his many companies. Doctor Who by the BBC. Spongebob Squarepants by Nickelodeon. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure by Orion Pictures. Highlander by Davis-Panzer Productions. 'Luck of the Irish' by Disney.

* * *

**Buffy and Dawn in a Space Bar (100)**_ Inspired by a line in the Bloodhound Gang's "Fire Water Burn"_

"Dawn... When I offered to show you the world, I meant _Earth._ Not _Ptui._"

"Tatooine. Not my idea either, Buffy, but we need to keep following this trail without attract-."

**"How dare you walk in front of me! I'll - ****_Owiieeeee_****!"**

"Well, let's hope the timeline wasn't counting on _that_ having kids... Wow! There's Han Solo!"

"_Ugh._ He's drunk!"

##

"Hey, that was some brawl. Where'd you girls learn to fight like that?"

"A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away."

"Ha! That's a good line. Here's a better one... How would you ladies like to stroke my wookiee?"

* * *

**What is a Member of Who's Family (100)**_ Experimental piece based on things that sound like questions._

Who's mother is a Time Lord. Who's mother is She.

What is a Time Lord. Who is lonely.

What is bored. Who meets What.

##

Who likes What. Who spends time with What.

Who does What. What has a good time.

What becomes pregnant. Who leaves What alone.

##

What drives the TARDIS. What travels back in time.

What has a baby. The baby is named after Whom.

She meets What. She grows up with Whom.

##

She falls in love with Whom. She has a child with Whom.

He is the child of Whom.

Who is He.

##

Who is his own grandpa.

* * *

**What's In a Name Under the Sea? (100) **_I don't think they've brought this up yet..._

"Hey, Squidward. Your names's two nouns stuck together. Doesn't that bother you?"

"Look who's talking, _mister _Spongebob Squarepants. Do you lay awake worrying yours is four nouns stuck together?"

"Yeah, but sponge's a verb. And you can bob up and down and bob_ things_."

##

Pulling out scissors, Spongebob cuts through a random fish's ponytail. '_Hey_!'

##

"You can't **squid**. Square can be a verb." Spongebob holds up a level. "And if you don't believe that 'pants' can be a verb, just watch me walk over there and practice on Patrick!"

"**No**." Squidward made a **ward**-ing gesture. "Just leave."

"Ooh. Good one."

* * *

**Xander's Excellent Phone Booth Costume (100) **_Somewhere there's trick-or-treaters with no escort..._

"This is so awesome!"

"Bill! Ted!"

"Rufus, we'd like you to meet Xander Harris."

"Guys. You wanted to party with him wearing the costume our entire future society is based on?"

"Chill. We'll get him back before sunrise. Things are good."

"Check your watches, you missed the activation chant. If you head to Sunnydale, it'll stay a bundle of rags."

"Oh. Well, that's not good."

"No, no it's not. Looks like I'll have to flip the 'on' switch myself." Rufus cracked his knuckles and spread his hands as if holding a guitar. "I hate chaos magic. The beat's all wrong."

* * *

**The Center (100)** _Methos might join up with the Scooby Gang or SG-1 long enough to save the world, but where does he go from there?_

Hidden amongst the Watchers as 'Adam Pierson', Methos had compiled his own history.

When that job ended, he'd become a simple government researcher.

He'd had no idea that would put him in a position to stop an Apocalypse.

He had no idea that his Immortal-gained skills would lead to him saving the world.

##

Now the time had come for him to name his reward. He wanted influence without power. He wanted _stability_.

"I've heard that at the exact center of the Pentagon there's a hot dog vendor," he said to the Joint Chiefs. "I want to _be_ that guy."

* * *

_Okay. Background. 'Luck of the Irish' ends with a leprechaun agreeing to spend the rest of his life trapped within the shores of a specific place. He thought he was headed for the green hills of Eire, except that wasn't actually what the guy said..._

* * *

**A Spot of Green (100)** _Dawn meets someone within the shores of Erie._

"Dawn, you're on fire."

"It's okay, I was just translating out loud again. It doesn't hurt, I just have to run down to the pier and jump in."

##

***Sploosh***

##

"Och, what d' you think you're doing, lassie?"

"Swimming."

"Clear off! It's bad enough I've been cursed to spend the rest of my life patrolling the waters of Lake Erie without girls who are magically afire diving in and bothering me. Although, considering the flame left you starkers..."

"Being ogled by a rude leprechaun. What a way to find out they're real on the Cleveland Hellmouth... I should've gone to London."

* * *

_Hmm... I think I might owe Illyria's nickname here to another work I can't find right now..._

_Apollo's one of Greece's complicated gods. His domains include oracles and poetry but he has his negative traits, including being a vengeance seeking sore winner. I frankly feel the pantheon needs a god of therapists... might have helped save the life of one of his sons._

* * *

**Breath of Air (200)**

Illyria, mourning those lost in the final battle against Wolfram and Hart, turned to music more human than that of the Song of the Green.

In a few months she had a top-selling album under a stage name, although certain whispered circles referred to her as the 'God-King of the Blues.'

Hearing that her private performances could break hearts and show a person's soul, Apollo, god of music, appeared before her and challenged her to a duel. Her harmonica versus his guitar.

Illyria was pleased to be facing someone more interesting than the rest of the 'muck.' "Any restriction as to the choice of music?"

Apollo smiled, remembering how he'd defeated a satyr. "No, the song doesn't matter. The only rule is that we have to play it while holding our instruments upside down and singing at the same time."

Smiling coldly, Illyria examined her hand. The armor that covered most of her body lengthened to completely cover her fingers. With a crackling noise, she modified the part above her wrist to include a set of intake valves and extended hollow tubes above her fingertips, so she could push air through. "You're on," she said, determined to win.

Apollo cringed.


End file.
